My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
