brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
