Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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