I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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