What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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