I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
