i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
