I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
