I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
