Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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