we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
