I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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