He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
