Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
