How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
