Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
