just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
