I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
