I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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