i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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