she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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