i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
