Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
