can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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