i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
