I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
