is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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