Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
