At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
