I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just gift wrapped bread.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
