remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Screwed.edu
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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