People in love make me want to vomit
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
