There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
