Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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