She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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