My nipple is on Facebook.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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