How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
