he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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