I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
