How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
