apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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