Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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