You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
