You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
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