I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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