Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
