It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
