I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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