WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
