im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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