how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
