I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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