ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
