A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
