he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I need moral support for this bender
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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