"it" just moved
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
