I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
